🤸 Asking for what you want, 10 mistakes in 10 years, & the talent ceiling

Hey — it’s Cristina & Jenni.

Each week, we share leadership reflections, resources, and laughs to help you excel in your role (+ have fun along the way).

As two tech leaders, we’re here to “lead in public” by sharing what we’re learning in our day-to-day roles, encouraging others to do the same, and learning and growing as leaders together.

Enjoy!

What we’re reflecting on this week

One of the most underrated skills for managers is asking for what you want.

Whether it’s asking for a raise after consistently delivering results, advocating for your direct reports’ needs, or seeking mentorship from someone you admire. Putting your wants and desires out into the world can change the trajectory of your career, your relationships, and your life.

Building this muscle takes time and can feel like a step (or two!) outside your comfort zone, but the upside is so much bigger than the downside.

Let’s illustrate the power of this through a story from the one and only Bréne Brown:

Shortly after Bréne and her husband, Steve, got married, her first birthday as a married woman did not go as planned. She woke up that morning to no fanfare whatsoever

No balloons. No surprises. No flowers. Nada.

Bréne felt pretty awful about it but also felt that it would be petty to bring anything up. Especially because they were broke. She was in grad school, and he was in med school, scraping money together to make it work.

So she chatted about it with her therapist instead.

She shared that birthdays were a huge thing in her family growing up, and that it was more important to her than she realized.

Her therapist asked, “Did you tell him that birthdays were important to you and specifically what would make it exciting for you?"

Bréne answered, “If I need to tell him what I need, it’s not worth it.”

That single sentence changed Bréne's perspective, and she opened up to Steve a few days later.

She told him about all of the fun and meaningful things her family had done for past birthdays, shared why it meant a lot to her, and described what she'd like for future birthdays.

The next day, she came home from school, exhausted.

The whole house was decorated with balloons, and there was a package on the counter.

Steve had pawned his guitar to buy her a skirt that she had seen recently and really loved. She hadn't even mentioned gifts as part of the equation, but he wanted to make it up to her.

“I didn’t know," he said. "Thank you so much for telling me what you wanted."

Imagine the ripple effect of this lesson on Bréne's life as a whole… and the effect it can have on yours if you ask for what you want, too.

→ Think about your role as a manager. What do you want (for yourself or for your team) that you’re not asking for? Can you find a way to voice it?

What we’re learning this week

• 🎙️ Shane Parrish interviews one of the world's leading executive coaches about the essentials of leadership - It's not every day that you get to learn from someone who has almost four decades of hands-on experience coaching leaders for behavioral change. This interview is full of gems that are both tactical and relatable. Take a listen if you're interested in learning how to gain confidence, motivate others, and change behavior.

• 📝 My Top 10 Mistakes In 10 Years: Gainsight CEO Nick Mehta - It’s a gift to come across C-level leaders who are willing to pick apart their own mistakes on a public stage. Nick is one of those leaders, and this article is a great retro on his top tech CEO learnings over the past 10 years of company-building.

• 📝 Becky Kane on the “response time sweet spot” - As leaders (and as ICs), it’s common to feel pressure to be incredibly responsive - to bosses, customers, vendors (and even our friends outside of work!). That said, super speedy responsiveness comes at a cost. Becky explains why in a brief post with a helpful visual we’ll be referencing from now on.

What we’re pondering this week

That’s it for this week — thanks for reading.

See you next Thursday! 🤸‍♀️